It was my first day back at Uni after 2 weeks off for exam week and then 'reading week' for some reason...more like dossing week.
The day didn't start well, I couldn't find anywhere to park and then had 5 minutes to get to the bottom of the pier to the ferry (it's an 8 minute hard walk usually). I decided to time myself to see if the gym visits have helped.
I missed the fecker.
You know what reall grips my shit the most though? I was half running, half dying along the pier with my thumb out hoping that somewone would give me a lift to the end (it's worked in the pst, and I've done it myself for people running late) and some old bastard drove past really slowly, looking at me. He didn't stop. That's not all, he got to the end of the pier, turned around and drove back still looking at me. At least I was able to mouth 'wanker' to him. Then again, this was probably my karma for having been so uncharitable towards the wonderful elderly residents of this Sceptered Isle all week.
Managed to get the Hovercraft instead which cost me nine bloody quid though. The lecture was a big pile of crap too - crime and the media. The woman just showed us a video about serial killers. Not very literary is it?
God, I'm moaning again. I've got the place to myself which is good and there may be a chance of doing some p/t research work for MORI which iwll be better than wiping the arses of old people until I graduate. Phoe has gone to give a presentation to Staffordshire police. I can watch what the feck I like on the TV...
...still havne't got one of those 'life' things I've heard so much about have I?
Damn
I've got bits of blogs all over the place. My main one from a few years ago, full of comedy gold for my stand up is stuck in Diaryland Hell. I can't access it any more and Admin won't respond to me for help. I'm gradually going to transport it across even if I have to print each bloody page and re-type it.
Monday, 13 December 2010
8th February 2004 - UNENTHUSED ON A SUNDAY
Well, it's Sunday today. I dunno what it is about Sundays but they're really shite.
Woke up early worrying about my non-existant dissertation. I am in my final year at Uni and I have to produce a 10,000 workd (excluding other bits of crap) study on something. Amanda, one of hte girls there is already on chapter 3 of hers and I'm slowly going mental because of it. I've done about 53 words of an introduction tha tis frankly a big pile of steaming crap. I think my attitude to the place changed over the summer when I was threatened with being chucked off ht ecourse or putting my essays on my website. I just can't get enthused any more.
Went to the gym yesterday. The enthusiam for this is waning too now. Phoe couldn't believe I was real when I crumpled and lay face down on the floor in the kitchen crying because I didn't want to go. I am a lazy sod, I accept this fact and I welcome it. What is this tring to get FIT thing all about? So I won't be able to pass the fitness test and get the job, I am crap... so what?
...so everything :(
I propose that a new sport of extreme slobbery be started. It can go along the same lines of extreme ironing - only with more stench.
Woke up early worrying about my non-existant dissertation. I am in my final year at Uni and I have to produce a 10,000 workd (excluding other bits of crap) study on something. Amanda, one of hte girls there is already on chapter 3 of hers and I'm slowly going mental because of it. I've done about 53 words of an introduction tha tis frankly a big pile of steaming crap. I think my attitude to the place changed over the summer when I was threatened with being chucked off ht ecourse or putting my essays on my website. I just can't get enthused any more.
Went to the gym yesterday. The enthusiam for this is waning too now. Phoe couldn't believe I was real when I crumpled and lay face down on the floor in the kitchen crying because I didn't want to go. I am a lazy sod, I accept this fact and I welcome it. What is this tring to get FIT thing all about? So I won't be able to pass the fitness test and get the job, I am crap... so what?
...so everything :(
I propose that a new sport of extreme slobbery be started. It can go along the same lines of extreme ironing - only with more stench.
6th February 2004 - GET A LIFE, SKET
Best mate Phoe has been to Wales giving a presentation to the police there. It's been great, I've had the place to myself INCLUDING the TV remote control. I haven't been forced ot watch any of her normal Star Trek, Airport, Trauma Room etc. etc. kinda shit! Yah!
Actually, the fact that I got excited about something as trivial as this illustrates the fact I need to get a life.
Intended ot go to the gym to attempt to gain some sort of fitness level for THE INTENDED JOB but couldn't be arsed. This too illustrates that I am a no good lazy slob who will never amount to anything. I know that I will have to do a lot of running for he fitness test and learned that the level I will need to achieve/build up to ends up with having to run up and down a 15 metre track 38 times in 4.5 minutes (or something). It doesn't sound so bad (she said, kidding herself)
Actually, the fact that I got excited about something as trivial as this illustrates the fact I need to get a life.
Intended ot go to the gym to attempt to gain some sort of fitness level for THE INTENDED JOB but couldn't be arsed. This too illustrates that I am a no good lazy slob who will never amount to anything. I know that I will have to do a lot of running for he fitness test and learned that the level I will need to achieve/build up to ends up with having to run up and down a 15 metre track 38 times in 4.5 minutes (or something). It doesn't sound so bad (she said, kidding herself)
5th February 2004 - DOOR TROUBLE
My friend Phoe was a victim of serious crime and now she (snd sometimes I) travel around the country giving presentations to various police forces about her experience and how she was treated by the police themselves. Yesterday we were at Netley which is the training centre for Hampshire Police.
Before I re-instated my diary we had also got a broken front door, well broken lock in the front door. The locksmith has been trying ot get either parts or a lock that will fit the holes already cut into the upvc plastic shitty door. In the meantime, we an't even breathe too hard on the door in case the mashed together lock breaks.
Phoe's dad turned up to look after the dogs and decided to try and 'help'. The man is alwyas like a bull in a china shop and doesn't have any technical exerience about anything. In other words, he swon on th edoor handle and bust the lock just as we were leaving to do the presentation. It was a nightmare nd now our household security involved piling up stuff behind the front door!
Great
Today I went to the gym and decided to jog with the dogs around the park. If you ever saw the episode of the Simpsons when Homer tried to chase the robber, runs 4 steps before collapsing you will be ble to visualise my job.
I'm screwed for hte fitness test...
Before I re-instated my diary we had also got a broken front door, well broken lock in the front door. The locksmith has been trying ot get either parts or a lock that will fit the holes already cut into the upvc plastic shitty door. In the meantime, we an't even breathe too hard on the door in case the mashed together lock breaks.
Phoe's dad turned up to look after the dogs and decided to try and 'help'. The man is alwyas like a bull in a china shop and doesn't have any technical exerience about anything. In other words, he swon on th edoor handle and bust the lock just as we were leaving to do the presentation. It was a nightmare nd now our household security involved piling up stuff behind the front door!
Great
Today I went to the gym and decided to jog with the dogs around the park. If you ever saw the episode of the Simpsons when Homer tried to chase the robber, runs 4 steps before collapsing you will be ble to visualise my job.
I'm screwed for hte fitness test...
3rd February 2004 - LOOKING FOR ANCESTORS
My friend Lynne popped over this morning which waas embarrasing as I was stinking around the house in Snoopy PJ's adn Phoe hadn't even bothered to get out of bed. Apparantly we'd agreed to go walking around a graveyard with her today looking for her ancestors.
I trod in dog shit
I feel guilty, I disrespected hte dead as I had to wipe my shoes all around the grass next to Horatio Buckle's grave. I'll pay for that no doubt. Also took some photos (not of the dog shit, just around the graveyard).
Phoe dropped me off at the gym and I discovered tha tit was closed to the public for another hour 'cause they were having a 'heart are' session. As I am feeling more mellow today I only got slightly pisssed off but I still did, in my mind, blame it on all th eold people who have retired to the Island. I know that everyone has a heart and might need to care for it, but I still blame the old 'uns. Had to walk to Phoe's Dad's house as she had long gone. Knew I should have driven myself ot the place.
Decided to work on my intolerance towards people of an elderly disposition
I trod in dog shit
I feel guilty, I disrespected hte dead as I had to wipe my shoes all around the grass next to Horatio Buckle's grave. I'll pay for that no doubt. Also took some photos (not of the dog shit, just around the graveyard).
Phoe dropped me off at the gym and I discovered tha tit was closed to the public for another hour 'cause they were having a 'heart are' session. As I am feeling more mellow today I only got slightly pisssed off but I still did, in my mind, blame it on all th eold people who have retired to the Island. I know that everyone has a heart and might need to care for it, but I still blame the old 'uns. Had to walk to Phoe's Dad's house as she had long gone. Knew I should have driven myself ot the place.
Decided to work on my intolerance towards people of an elderly disposition
Thursday, 9 December 2010
2nd February 2004 - MURDEROUS THOUGHTS
I am bloated. I dunno what's the matter with me, I can't stop stuffing my face. Actually, I can guess as my boobs feel like boils and I wanted to kill a great many people today.
The first murder I wanted to commit was when I was at the gym. I hate it when the place is packed and today it was ...with old people. There was an invasion! Perhaps they got chucked out of the library and there was nowhere to keep warm after they'd stolen frozen chickens from Tesco (I know, Iknow, we all get old in the end, yada yada yada...). Anyhoo, I have a programme that I need to work to in order to get my fitness levels up so that I can pass the physical test for th ejob I want. Today it was almost impossible. There is a HUGE poster stating that during busy times, you should use the treadmill for a maximum of 15 minutes. Call me trivial, but these old 'uns don't understand the concept of consideration and one particular old fella with no neck and a slight hnch to his back particularly riled me for just walking on a treadmill for 40 minutes.
...if I'd had a gun
The 2nd person I wanted to kill was in the Building Society. I hve never seen a queue so long before and there is always one bastrd who has a stupid query or is doing something tha ttakes up one teller for ages. Well, this bastard was ANOTHER oldish bloke. He's got about 50 pass books (probably belonging to a bunch of other people) and he was adding money to this one, withdrawing cash from that one, querying shit on another and on and on. There were only 2 tellers adn one woman had to deal with this massive queue whilst the other dealt with him. I was with Phoe, we discussed grabbing the books and throwing htem on the floor before stamping on them. I wanted to get th epen on a chain and stab him with it.
I hate waiting...
I should learn to be more tolerant. I'll give myself a heart attack at this rate. I am usually so calm and lovely...I used to be an aromatherapist you know...
The first murder I wanted to commit was when I was at the gym. I hate it when the place is packed and today it was ...with old people. There was an invasion! Perhaps they got chucked out of the library and there was nowhere to keep warm after they'd stolen frozen chickens from Tesco (I know, Iknow, we all get old in the end, yada yada yada...). Anyhoo, I have a programme that I need to work to in order to get my fitness levels up so that I can pass the physical test for th ejob I want. Today it was almost impossible. There is a HUGE poster stating that during busy times, you should use the treadmill for a maximum of 15 minutes. Call me trivial, but these old 'uns don't understand the concept of consideration and one particular old fella with no neck and a slight hnch to his back particularly riled me for just walking on a treadmill for 40 minutes.
...if I'd had a gun
The 2nd person I wanted to kill was in the Building Society. I hve never seen a queue so long before and there is always one bastrd who has a stupid query or is doing something tha ttakes up one teller for ages. Well, this bastard was ANOTHER oldish bloke. He's got about 50 pass books (probably belonging to a bunch of other people) and he was adding money to this one, withdrawing cash from that one, querying shit on another and on and on. There were only 2 tellers adn one woman had to deal with this massive queue whilst the other dealt with him. I was with Phoe, we discussed grabbing the books and throwing htem on the floor before stamping on them. I wanted to get th epen on a chain and stab him with it.
I hate waiting...
I should learn to be more tolerant. I'll give myself a heart attack at this rate. I am usually so calm and lovely...I used to be an aromatherapist you know...
1st February 2004 - GO HOME
One of our friends came over last night and didn't bloody leave until 4am! I was knackered and not even the ol' 'falling asleep on the floor' ruse made him leave. I do actually like the fella, he just won't ever go fucking home!
Last night, after he'd finally gone Phoe and I had a massive row. We don't argue very often but I guess we needed to clear the air and tell each other what was what.
It has been a weird day since then. We kinda just acted as tho we hadn't been screaming at each other the night before. Still, I did make her cry so I guess that she has every right to be a bit quiet with me.....
Got her to watch the first LOTR film and I think that she did actually enjoy it. Might be able to see the latest one BEFORE it comes on satalite now :)
Last night, after he'd finally gone Phoe and I had a massive row. We don't argue very often but I guess we needed to clear the air and tell each other what was what.
It has been a weird day since then. We kinda just acted as tho we hadn't been screaming at each other the night before. Still, I did make her cry so I guess that she has every right to be a bit quiet with me.....
Got her to watch the first LOTR film and I think that she did actually enjoy it. Might be able to see the latest one BEFORE it comes on satalite now :)
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